After Hundreds of Thousands Gather on National Mall to Support Personal Responsibility, Two Guys Gather on Couch to Support Free Stuff

Rochester, New York--Al Burg and Joe Pinny were so outraged after watching hundreds of thousands of people -- many of them religious -- gather on the National Mall to support individual liberty, personal responsibility, and limited government, the two of them decided to gather on the couch again the next day as part of a counter-rally in support of free stuff paid for by other people.

"All those folks who traveled long distances with their families to stand in the hot summer sun and gather together in support of things like honor and dignity are a direct affront to the principles of whiny ass-sitting," said Al. "So Joe and I found a Sharpie marker behind a cushion, wrote 'Free Stuff' on the back of a pizza box we found on the floor, and hung out some more on the couch."

"This was a great day," said Joe following the rally. "There was a Green Acres marathon on TV Land."

Associated images: BBC; associated articles: Wall Street Journal; Daily Caller; associated video: Uncommon Knowledge

After Hundreds of Thousands Gather on National Mall to Support Personal Responsibility, Two Guys Gather on Couch to Support Free Stuff

Rochester, New York--Al Burg and Joe Pinny were so outraged after watching hundreds of thousands of people -- many of them religious -- gather on the National Mall to support individual liberty, personal responsibility, and limited government, the two of them decided to gather on the couch again the next day as part of a counter-rally in support of free stuff paid for by other people.

"All those folks who traveled long distances with their families to stand in the hot summer sun and gather together in support of things like honor and dignity are a direct affront to the principles of whiny ass-sitting," said Al. "So Joe and I found a Sharpie marker behind a cushion, wrote 'Free Stuff' on the back of a pizza box we found on the floor, and hung out some more on the couch."

"This was a great day," said Joe following the rally. "There was a Green Acres marathon on TV Land."

Associated images: BBC; associated articles: Wall Street Journal; Daily Caller; associated video: Uncommon Knowledge

Radical Islamic Cleric Revises Fatwa to Apply to "Less Freedom-Loving U.S."

Yemen--A prominent radical Islamic cleric who had previously issued a fatwa declaring war against the "freedom-loving bastion of liberty that is the U.S. government" revised his fatwa yesterday. It now applies to the "kind-of-more-socialistic enclave of intrusive state-run programs that is the U.S. government."

The cleric said the revised fatwa was necessary because the character of the U.S. has changed so much in the last couple of years that his "terrorist followers were becoming confused as to what is the target of their religiously-motivated hatred."

Radical Islamic officials said the U.S. "still has a free-enough feel to it" to justify "really disliking the U.S." but the clarifications to the fatwa were necessary because "some terrorists were thinking the fatwa maybe applied to China, where tax rates are going down and free enterprise is increasingly encouraged."

Radical Islamic Cleric Revises Fatwa to Apply to "Less Freedom-Loving U.S."

Yemen--A prominent radical Islamic cleric who had previously issued a fatwa declaring war against the "freedom-loving bastion of liberty that is the U.S. government" revised his fatwa yesterday. It now applies to the "kind-of-more-socialistic enclave of intrusive state-run programs that is the U.S. government."

The cleric said the revised fatwa was necessary because the character of the U.S. has changed so much in the last couple of years that his "terrorist followers were becoming confused as to what is the target of their religiously-motivated hatred."

Radical Islamic officials said the U.S. "still has a free-enough feel to it" to justify "really disliking the U.S." but the clarifications to the fatwa were necessary because "some terrorists were thinking the fatwa maybe applied to China, where tax rates are going down and free enterprise is increasingly encouraged."

1964 Ronald Reagan A Time for Choosing Speech, Updated

1964 Ronald Reagan A Time for Choosing Speech, Updated