Six Flags Opens New Obama-Themed Roller Coaster

Baltimore, Maryland--With the economy tanking and a record one in six Americans taking part in various government anti-poverty programs, the Six Flags amusement park announced the opening of it's latest roller coaster.

"It's called the Obamarator," said a park spokeswoman, who said it consists of a winding but ever low-spiraling ride in cars fitted with video screens showing the latest economic indicators.

"With the latest data showing Medicaid enrollment at record highs even before 16 million people are added by the ObamaCare law in 2014, a 50% rise in food stamp participants, a 400% increase in those receiving unemployment insurance, and an 18% increase in the welfare rolls," said the spokeswoman, "we didn't have to do much more to make this one of the most frightening Six Flags coasters ever."

One man who rode on the coaster's maiden run said "After the very first turn -- where you see that Medicaid costs have jumped 36% in two years to $273 billion, jobless benefits soared from $43 billion to $160 billion, and food stamp and welfare costs have risen 80% and 24% -- I almost lost my lunch."

Associated articles: USA Today; New York Daily News

Six Flags Opens New Obama-Themed Roller Coaster

Baltimore, Maryland--With the economy tanking and a record one in six Americans taking part in various government anti-poverty programs, the Six Flags amusement park announced the opening of it's latest roller coaster.

"It's called the Obamarator," said a park spokeswoman, who said it consists of a winding but ever low-spiraling ride in cars fitted with video screens showing the latest economic indicators.

"With the latest data showing Medicaid enrollment at record highs even before 16 million people are added by the ObamaCare law in 2014, a 50% rise in food stamp participants, a 400% increase in those receiving unemployment insurance, and an 18% increase in the welfare rolls," said the spokeswoman, "we didn't have to do much more to make this one of the most frightening Six Flags coasters ever."

One man who rode on the coaster's maiden run said "After the very first turn -- where you see that Medicaid costs have jumped 36% in two years to $273 billion, jobless benefits soared from $43 billion to $160 billion, and food stamp and welfare costs have risen 80% and 24% -- I almost lost my lunch."

Associated articles: USA Today; New York Daily News

New Democrat Public Service Ad

Associated articles: National Review; AEI

New Democrat Public Service Ad

Associated articles: National Review; AEI

Infographic: How the First Lady and President Move Markets (click image to enlarge)

Associated articles:; US News; CBS News; Gallup; Reuters; CBS News 1

Infographic: How the First Lady and President Move Markets (click image to enlarge)

Associated articles:; US News; CBS News; Gallup; Reuters; CBS News 1

Local Small Business Owners Featured on Special "Economic Uncertainty" Edition of Hoarders

Washington, D.C.--Beth Capps and Judy Freelander are two of several local small business owners to be featured in the latest season of the popular television show "Hoarders," which features the plight of victims of obsessive pack-rat habits.

The idea behind the new segments came from recent economic trends in which businesses have cash on hand, but more and more are saving that money instead of using it to hire workers because they fear rising health care and energy costs, higher taxes, and other items on the Democrats' agenda.

"It all began in early 2009," said Beth. We were watching President Obama's inauguration speech, and we realized the massive government programs he was outlining meant we couldn't risk parting with our cash any longer."

Judy said her daughter would come visit the shop and offer to help clean out some of the unsightly wads of dollars that were clogging her hallways, "but I told her no, because I might need that some day to pay much higher costs of doing business."

A spokesman for the A&E Network, which airs the program, said pending energy legislation and the already enacted government-run health care law "bode well for many more episodes of Hoarders: Small Business."

Local Small Business Owners Featured on Special "Economic Uncertainty" Edition of Hoarders

Washington, D.C.--Beth Capps and Judy Freelander are two of several local small business owners to be featured in the latest season of the popular television show "Hoarders," which features the plight of victims of obsessive pack-rat habits.

The idea behind the new segments came from recent economic trends in which businesses have cash on hand, but more and more are saving that money instead of using it to hire workers because they fear rising health care and energy costs, higher taxes, and other items on the Democrats' agenda.

"It all began in early 2009," said Beth. We were watching President Obama's inauguration speech, and we realized the massive government programs he was outlining meant we couldn't risk parting with our cash any longer."

Judy said her daughter would come visit the shop and offer to help clean out some of the unsightly wads of dollars that were clogging her hallways, "but I told her no, because I might need that some day to pay much higher costs of doing business."

A spokesman for the A&E Network, which airs the program, said pending energy legislation and the already enacted government-run health care law "bode well for many more episodes of Hoarders: Small Business."

White House Aide: "I Think We Need to Put the Post-it Closer to the Center of the Mirror"

White House Aide: "I Think We Need to Put the Post-it Closer to the Center of the Mirror"

Why Businesses Aren't Hiring (click image to enlarge)

Associated articles: Heritage Foundation; Wall Street Journal

Why Businesses Aren't Hiring (click image to enlarge)

Associated articles: Heritage Foundation; Wall Street Journal

White House Says "Since Congress Passed the Giant Spending Bill, Not One Dinosaur Has Returned to Ravage the Earth"

Washington, D.C.--While the White House had promised that if Congress passed its $787 billion spending bill, unemployment would not rise above 8%, unemployment has risen to ten percent even after Congress passed the massive spending bill, a rise much higher than the White House predicted would happen if Congress had done nothing at all. Still, President Obama assured the nation yesterday that, were it not for the giant spending legislation, "We could have seen dinosaurs roaming the earth once again."

Administration officials said that "While we could have experienced a resurgence of the dreaded Velociraptor and other meat-eating dinosaur populations, we have yet to see the reappearance of even a single plant-eating Europasaurus."

Associated articles: Wall Street Journal; Hot Air

White House Says "Since Congress Passed the Giant Spending Bill, Not One Dinosaur Has Returned to Ravage the Earth"

Washington, D.C.--While the White House had promised that if Congress passed its $787 billion spending bill, unemployment would not rise above 8%, unemployment has risen to ten percent even after Congress passed the massive spending bill, a rise much higher than the White House predicted would happen if Congress had done nothing at all. Still, President Obama assured the nation yesterday that, were it not for the giant spending legislation, "We could have seen dinosaurs roaming the earth once again."

Administration officials said that "While we could have experienced a resurgence of the dreaded Velociraptor and other meat-eating dinosaur populations, we have yet to see the reappearance of even a single plant-eating Europasaurus."

Associated articles: Wall Street Journal; Hot Air

Americans Relieved as Obama's Latest Wild Pitch At Least Does Not Cost $787 Billion and Result in 10% Unemployment

Associated article: Politico; President Bush at Yankee Stadium After 9/11

Americans Relieved as Obama's Latest Wild Pitch At Least Does Not Cost $787 Billion and Result in 10% Unemployment

Associated article: Politico; President Bush at Yankee Stadium After 9/11

Bill Murray from "Groundhog Day" Reports on "Unexpected" Rise in Unemployment Following Many Previous "Unexpected" Rises

Associated articles: Associated Press; Washington Times

Bill Murray from "Groundhog Day" Reports on "Unexpected" Rise in Unemployment Following Many Previous "Unexpected" Rises

Associated articles: Associated Press; Washington Times

Obama Appoints Russian Mystic Rasputin “Psychic Economic Adviser to the Czars”

Washington, D.C.--Earlier this year, the Obama Administration warned that if Congress failed to pass legislation allowing government control over large-scale taxpayer-funded spending projects, the unemployment rate would rise to 8.8% by this month. Congress enacted such legislation, but since then the unemployment rate has risen to 9.4%, indicating the $787 billion stimulus bill was not worth the cost.

Disappointed by his government’s failure to accurately predict the economic results of its own programs, President Obama rejected a return to capitalism and instead announced his appointment of yet another cabinet member.

“Although I’ve created a variety of ‘czars,’ from car czars to corporate payment czars,” Obama told reporters, “they haven’t been able to agree on how best to produce the jobs America needs. I need someone to manage inter-czar disputes, and who better to do that than the mystic Grigori Rasputin, famed psychic counselor to Czar Nicholas II.”

“Mr. Rasputin did an excellent job stemming the uncontrolled bleeding of the hemopheliac son of a Russian monarch,” said Obama, “and I’m confident he can also help stem massive job losses in the U.S. economy.”

While critics say no group of government regulators could ever reproduce the efficient allocation of jobs and resources that result from a free market in which millions of unique individuals engage in mutually beneficial and voluntary transactions, Obama predicted such critics would come around “once they gaze into Rasputin’s freaky deaky, all-seeing eyes.”

Insiders said Rasuptin has already discerned that Obama's policies have "saved" 150,000 jobs that would have otherwise been lost. When asked how the number of jobs "saved" could ever be verified, administration sources said the figure was derived from "macroeconomic estimates provided by the Ouija Board of Economic Statistics."

Associated materials: http://otrans.3cdn.net/45593e8ecbd339d074_l3m6bt1te.pdf; http://michaelscomments.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/stimulus-vs-unemployment-may2.gif; http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.nr0.htm; http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124451592762396883.html; http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Obama-repackages-stimulus-apf-15470798.html; http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1466397368167658753&ei=wtYtSuHCM4nKqgKDnbW0Cg&q=%22commanding+heights%22+hayek&hl=en; associated video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJu0DgpiK8c&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fpajamasmedia%2Ecom%2Finstapundit%2F&feature=player_embedded

Obama Appoints Russian Mystic Rasputin “Psychic Economic Adviser to the Czars”

Washington, D.C.--Earlier this year, the Obama Administration warned that if Congress failed to pass legislation allowing government control over large-scale taxpayer-funded spending projects, the unemployment rate would rise to 8.8% by this month. Congress enacted such legislation, but since then the unemployment rate has risen to 9.4%, indicating the $787 billion stimulus bill was not worth the cost.

Disappointed by his government’s failure to accurately predict the economic results of its own programs, President Obama rejected a return to capitalism and instead announced his appointment of yet another cabinet member.

“Although I’ve created a variety of ‘czars,’ from car czars to corporate payment czars,” Obama told reporters, “they haven’t been able to agree on how best to produce the jobs America needs. I need someone to manage inter-czar disputes, and who better to do that than the mystic Grigori Rasputin, famed psychic counselor to Czar Nicholas II.”

“Mr. Rasputin did an excellent job stemming the uncontrolled bleeding of the hemopheliac son of a Russian monarch,” said Obama, “and I’m confident he can also help stem massive job losses in the U.S. economy.”

While critics say no group of government regulators could ever reproduce the efficient allocation of jobs and resources that result from a free market in which millions of unique individuals engage in mutually beneficial and voluntary transactions, Obama predicted such critics would come around “once they gaze into Rasputin’s freaky deaky, all-seeing eyes.”

Insiders said Rasuptin has already discerned that Obama's policies have "saved" 150,000 jobs that would have otherwise been lost. When asked how the number of jobs "saved" could ever be verified, administration sources said the figure was derived from "macroeconomic estimates provided by the Ouija Board of Economic Statistics."

Associated materials: http://otrans.3cdn.net/45593e8ecbd339d074_l3m6bt1te.pdf; http://michaelscomments.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/stimulus-vs-unemployment-may2.gif; http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.nr0.htm; http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124451592762396883.html; http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Obama-repackages-stimulus-apf-15470798.html; http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1466397368167658753&ei=wtYtSuHCM4nKqgKDnbW0Cg&q=%22commanding+heights%22+hayek&hl=en; associated video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJu0DgpiK8c&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fpajamasmedia%2Ecom%2Finstapundit%2F&feature=player_embedded