Congress Called Into Rare Summer-time Emergency Session to Protect Representatives from Their Constituents

Washington, D.C.--Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has called the House of Representatives into a rare "emergency session" to protect Democratic Representatives from their angry constituents amidst steep increases in both public debt and private employment.

Hunkered deep within the well of the Chamber, Democratic Members received hard hats and emergency preparedness training that included instructions to refrain from touting their legislative accomplishments, which now include yet another bailout bill aimed at protecting the jobs of public sector employees.

Associated articles: Los Angeles Times; Washington Examiner; Washington Post

Congress Called Into Rare Summer-time Emergency Session to Protect Representatives from Their Constituents

Washington, D.C.--Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has called the House of Representatives into a rare "emergency session" to protect Democratic Representatives from their angry constituents amidst steep increases in both public debt and private employment.

Hunkered deep within the well of the Chamber, Democratic Members received hard hats and emergency preparedness training that included instructions to refrain from touting their legislative accomplishments, which now include yet another bailout bill aimed at protecting the jobs of public sector employees.

Associated articles: Los Angeles Times; Washington Examiner; Washington Post

Democrats to Run Against William Howard Taft in 2010

Washington, D.C.--Congressional Democrats, whose policies have proven unpopular and deeply divisive, have decided they will campaign in 2010 against William Howard Taft, who left office in 1913.

"We're still living with the devastating legacy of our twenty-seventh president," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, "and we Democrats stand for change."

"Look, America was saddled with the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act of 1909 for many years before we Democrats took over," said Chris Van Hollen, chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. "And it's going to take a lot more time for us to overcome the lingering effects of former Attorney General George W. Wickersham's tenure."

Associated article: CQ Politics

Democrats to Run Against William Howard Taft in 2010

Washington, D.C.--Congressional Democrats, whose policies have proven unpopular and deeply divisive, have decided they will campaign in 2010 against William Howard Taft, who left office in 1913.

"We're still living with the devastating legacy of our twenty-seventh president," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, "and we Democrats stand for change."

"Look, America was saddled with the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act of 1909 for many years before we Democrats took over," said Chris Van Hollen, chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. "And it's going to take a lot more time for us to overcome the lingering effects of former Attorney General George W. Wickersham's tenure."

Associated article: CQ Politics

Now That They're Only Representing Themselves, House Democrats Plan to Consolidate All Congressional Districts into U.S. Capitol Following 2010 Census

Washington, D.C.--Now that the U.S. House of Representatives has come to represent only the Members of Congress themselves, and not the views of citizens nationwide, House Democrats plan to have all House districts consolidated inside the four corners of the U.S. Capitol following the 2010 census.

"Democrats have a large majority in the House right now, holding 254 of 435 seats," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, "but since we're ramming through widely unpopular legislation like health care, the cap and tax energy bill, and immigration amnesty, we'll need to have district lines redrawn to more accurately reflect the people we're representing, namely ourselves."

Associated article: Wall Street Journal

Now That They're Only Representing Themselves, House Democrats Plan to Consolidate All Congressional Districts into U.S. Capitol Following 2010 Census

Washington, D.C.--Now that the U.S. House of Representatives has come to represent only the Members of Congress themselves, and not the views of citizens nationwide, House Democrats plan to have all House districts consolidated inside the four corners of the U.S. Capitol following the 2010 census.

"Democrats have a large majority in the House right now, holding 254 of 435 seats," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, "but since we're ramming through widely unpopular legislation like health care, the cap and tax energy bill, and immigration amnesty, we'll need to have district lines redrawn to more accurately reflect the people we're representing, namely ourselves."

Associated article: Wall Street Journal

Defense Department Considers Weaponizing Select Images of Speaker Pelosi

Defense Department Considers Weaponizing Select Images of Speaker Pelosi

Speaker Pelosi Announces Meaning of Health Care Bill Can Only Be Discerned After She Inhales Prophetic Vapors at Bill Passage Ceremony

Oracle at D.C.--In a prepared speech to the National Association of Counties, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said "we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what is in it."

Pelosi elaborated on her comments later that afternoon, saying "The fact is no one can really know what's in the legislation until I utter the inspired wisdom of the gods. And that occurs when I inhale the mystic vapors that emanate from the well of the House upon the bill's enactment."

Associated speech: Nancy Pelosi

Speaker Pelosi Announces Meaning of Health Care Bill Can Only Be Discerned After She Inhales Prophetic Vapors at Bill Passage Ceremony

Oracle at D.C.--In a prepared speech to the National Association of Counties, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said "we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what is in it."

Pelosi elaborated on her comments later that afternoon, saying "The fact is no one can really know what's in the legislation until I utter the inspired wisdom of the gods. And that occurs when I inhale the mystic vapors that emanate from the well of the House upon the bill's enactment."

Associated speech: Nancy Pelosi

Democratic Speaker of the House Pelosi Discusses Tax Policy in Twilight Zone

Democratic Speaker of the House Pelosi Discusses Tax Policy in Twilight Zone

Speaker Pelosi Unveils New Promotional Campaign to Inspire Fellow Democrats

Speaker Pelosi Unveils New Promotional Campaign to Inspire Fellow Democrats

Speaker Pelosi Vows to Stop Spread of "Nazi Zombie Menace" Before It Infects More Town Hall Meetings

Washington, D.C.--When asked by a reporter whether protests at various town hall meetings represented legitimate grassroots opposition or were manufactured “AstroTurf” events, she replied, “I think they’re AstroTurf ... They’re carrying swastikas and symbols like that to a town meeting on health care.” She made those comments even though those symbols were used only a handful of times nationwide, and they were used to express disgust for, not support of, what were perceived to be fascist policies.

Today, Speaker Pelosi called on the President to declare a national emergency and focus federal resources toward stopping what she called "the Nazi zombie menace" before it "infects more town hall meetings."

"Look," said Pelosi, "whether these people are sincere in their undead brain-eating Hitler-following habits or not, they have to be neutralized."

Pelosi told reporters the zombies could only be stopped by destroying their brains. "That's the source of all the thinking stuff," she said. "If the thinking's not stopped, it could infect other people around them."

Pelosi's call for a state of emergency follows reports that the White House may have run afoul of federal privacy and records laws by compiling information on people whose exercise of their First Amendment rights indicate resistance to Democratic health care proposals.

Pelosi called for amending such statutes to provide for a "Nazi zombie" exception, which she said would only apply to "something over half the population."

Associated articles: http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YjBmMGVlMWVkOTU1YzIyMzQ0OWNiNjBhMjU1NzMwYjA=; http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/Mr_-President_-Americans-are-not-an-_angry-mob_-8076144-52674832.html; http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/08/07/white-house-collect-fishy-info-health-reform-illegal-critics-say/; http://newsbusters.org/blogs/seton-motley/2009/08/12/nbc-cnn-msnbc-all-assign-communist-larouches-obama-hitler-poster-conse; http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2009/08/13/reid-protesters-are-evil-mongers/; http://www.redstate.com/moe_lane/2009/09/03/moveonorg-zombie-bites-off-health-care-protesters-finger-wait-what/

Speaker Pelosi Vows to Stop Spread of "Nazi Zombie Menace" Before It Infects More Town Hall Meetings

Washington, D.C.--When asked by a reporter whether protests at various town hall meetings represented legitimate grassroots opposition or were manufactured “AstroTurf” events, she replied, “I think they’re AstroTurf ... They’re carrying swastikas and symbols like that to a town meeting on health care.” She made those comments even though those symbols were used only a handful of times nationwide, and they were used to express disgust for, not support of, what were perceived to be fascist policies.

Today, Speaker Pelosi called on the President to declare a national emergency and focus federal resources toward stopping what she called "the Nazi zombie menace" before it "infects more town hall meetings."

"Look," said Pelosi, "whether these people are sincere in their undead brain-eating Hitler-following habits or not, they have to be neutralized."

Pelosi told reporters the zombies could only be stopped by destroying their brains. "That's the source of all the thinking stuff," she said. "If the thinking's not stopped, it could infect other people around them."

Pelosi's call for a state of emergency follows reports that the White House may have run afoul of federal privacy and records laws by compiling information on people whose exercise of their First Amendment rights indicate resistance to Democratic health care proposals.

Pelosi called for amending such statutes to provide for a "Nazi zombie" exception, which she said would only apply to "something over half the population."

Associated articles: http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YjBmMGVlMWVkOTU1YzIyMzQ0OWNiNjBhMjU1NzMwYjA=; http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/Mr_-President_-Americans-are-not-an-_angry-mob_-8076144-52674832.html; http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/08/07/white-house-collect-fishy-info-health-reform-illegal-critics-say/; http://newsbusters.org/blogs/seton-motley/2009/08/12/nbc-cnn-msnbc-all-assign-communist-larouches-obama-hitler-poster-conse; http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2009/08/13/reid-protesters-are-evil-mongers/; http://www.redstate.com/moe_lane/2009/09/03/moveonorg-zombie-bites-off-health-care-protesters-finger-wait-what/