Obama Delivers First-Ever "State of Obama" Address to the Nation Through Specially Designed One-Way Mirror

What follows are excerpts from President Obama’s first “State of Obama” address to the nation.

Good evening. With unemployment increasing even more than my economic team told you it would if Congress had not passed my massive spending program, and with claims regarding my health care reform proposal becoming more implausible by the day, I thought it best to focus not on the state of the Union, but rather, on the state of Obama.

Now, I have made history in many ways, and I continue to do so today. For the first time, I am addressing the Nation through a specially designed one-way mirror that will allow me to remain focused on my path ahead.

I have come a long way already. As the elected president of the Harvard Law Review and as a law professor, some criticized me for failing to publish a single piece of scholarship, or even release my grades. But as I wrote in two autobiographies exploring the rich history and profound significance of me, “I am Barack Obama.”

Later, as a state Senator, I voted “present” on legislation nearly 130 times. Some criticized me for that. But as all Americans have now come to know, I am a “present” to the American people.

As a U.S. Senator, some say I wasn’t associated with any important legislative initiatives. But I did introduce a bill to recognize August 4, 2061, as the 100th anniversary of my birth. Unfortunately, the bill failed to pass in a prior era of despair.

My energy plan will encourage the development of new technologies that convert my boldness into reusable energy. And my health care plan will produce a universal system for allocating that warm, comforting feeling you get when you hear my confident voice, or see me without a shirt.

The state of Obama is good.

Associated articles: http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/016/532tzlcn.asp; http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/17/AR2008071701839.html; http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2009/08/revealed_behind_the_scenes_oba.asp; associated video: Washington Examiner; http://www.thefoxnation.com/president-obama/2009/04/21/krauthammer-presidents-narcissism-knows-no-bounds