Obama Administration to Use National Security Agencies to Search Elderly Blue-Haired Women at Airports, Polar Bears in Arctic

Washington, D.C.--Obama national security officials defended their decision to devote more intelligence resources to monitoring the purported effects of "global warming" instead of tracking terrorists, arguing that "We search blue-haired old ladies at airports, why not polar bears in the Arctic?"

Pointing to the need to avoid any appearance of "profiling" those who might be most likely to commit terrorist acts, Obama administration officials said "In our efforts to find terrorists, we're committed to applying a strict, equal treatment standard, and that includes polar bears, penguins, and seals of all colors."

Associated articles: Washington Times 1; Washington Times 2