Judge Holds Divorcing Constitution is a Fundamental Right

San Francisco, California--A federal judge in California yesterday held that love is so integral to human happiness that it was his and other judges' "fundamental right" to end their fidelity to the rule of law by divorcing the U.S. Constitution.

"Although our nation's founding document leaves it to legislatures to determine marriage policy, I find that I've lost my love for that old rag of shriveled parchment that says the same thing over and over and over again," wrote the judge in his path-breaking opinion. "I really can't stand to look at it anymore."

"Something as vital as love transcends voters and legislators," the judge concluded. "And no rational reason can allow statutory law enacted by duly-elected representatives within their constitutional authority -- or the people themselves -- to dictate my and other judges' most personal allegiances."

Activist jurists nationwide celebrated the decision.

"For so long, I've been held back by the demands of the Constitution and the larger society," said one judge. "Now, finally, I and other judges are free to decide for ourselves to what we owe our fidelity."

Associated article: Jonathan Rauch