Guy Who Elbowed President Obama During Basketball Game Awarded Medal of Freedom

Washington, D.C.--The person who recently elbowed President Obama during a White House basketball game was awarded the Medal of Freedom yesterday for his role in exposing the President to the real-world conditions of competition.

"After having been surrounded by sycophants and coddlers my entire adult life, who praised me endlessly when I had in fact accomplished very little, I found myself elbowed in the face during a competitive basketball game, requiring a dozen stitches," said Obama during the ceremony. "For introducing me to a world in which competition can result in adverse experiences that people can learn from, I hereby award the guy who elbowed me in the face the Medal of Freedom."

Upon receiving the award, the guy who elbowed President Obama in the face said "It was my pleasure to expose the President to the world most of us live in every day, and help demonstrate that government cannot always be relied on to prevent personal misfortune in the give-and-take of everyday life."

Associated article: Associated Press