by Richard Pollender, Inmate No. 2071-12Recently I was pressured to resign my reporter position at the Washington Post after police discovered the heads of several Republican and Tea Party members in a private oversized freezer in my own home. That outrageous assault on my professional integrity, as well as my lifetime imprisonment, is an outrageous assault on the freedom of the press, as my own personal hobbies and preferences don't have any impact on my ability to objectively report on politics.
What I do with the severed heads of my victims is my own business and has no effect whatsoever on the living Republican and Tea Party vermin who continue to roam freely throughout society. Indeed, as an avid collector of Republican and Tea Party appendages who has avoided arrest for almost a decade, I submit I bring a keener eye to the conservative movement.
My reporting stands for itself. My hand-sewn lampshades made of Republican flesh is an entirely separate body of work.
Associated article: Daily Caller
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